For so many women I work with and have known personally the wound beneath the surface isn’t just anxiety, perfectionism, or comparison.

It’s a quiet belief: I’m not enough.

Not smart enough.

Not beautiful enough.

Not successful, spiritual, capable, kind... enough.

This sense of unworthiness is not inherent it is learned.

Where Does Unworthiness Come From?

From a psychological perspective, low self-worth often forms in early relationships. If our emotional needs weren’t met if love was conditional, if affection came with performance, or if our boundaries weren’t respected, we learn to internalise shame.

As children, we don’t say, “My parent is unavailable.”

We say, “Something must be wrong with me.”

This becomes the root of the inner critic, the internal voice that whispers, “You should be more… do better… hide this part of yourself.”

We learn to abandon ourselves before others have the chance to.

 

Confidence Is Not Loud

Confidence isn’t arrogance, achievement, or always being certain.

It’s inner trust.

It’s the felt sense of being safe enough to show up as yourself, even when you’re uncertain, even when you’re afraid.

And confidence is built. Slowly. Gently. Through small, consistent acts of self-honouring.

 

How to Rebuild Confidence and Worthiness

Here are evidence-based and compassion-led ways to begin the journey back to self-worth:

1. Meet Your Inner Critic with Curiosity

Rather than trying to silence it, ask:

– Where did this voice come from?

– Whose words am I repeating?

This creates distance and reminds you the voice is not you, it’s a part of you, shaped by old pain.

2. Rewire Through Self-Compassion

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff shows self-compassion is more powerful than self-esteem in the face of failure.

When you mess up or feel inadequate, try saying:

“This is hard right now. I’m doing my best. I still deserve love.”

3. Build Evidence of Safety

Confidence grows when we take small, aligned risks and survive them.

Say no when you’re scared. Speak up gently. Try something new.

Then pause — and feel the success in your body.

4. Move from Comparison to Connection

Comparison triggers shame. Connection heals it.

Spend time with people who reflect your worth back to you, not through flattery, but through presence, honesty, and care.

5. Return to the Body

So much of confidence is somatic. It’s not just how we think, it’s how we feel in ourselves.

Practices like yoga, breathwork, somatic therapy, or even dance help you occupy your body again and find safety there.

 

Journal Prompts to Reclaim Your Confidence

 

• When did I first learn that I had to be “more” in order to be loved?

• What part of me most longs to be seen and accepted?

• What is one small risk I can take this week to honour my truth?

• What would I say to a younger version of me who felt “not enough”?

• Who do I feel most safe being my whole self around?

 

 

You don’t have to earn your worth. You never did. You are not too much or not enough you are simply human, becoming. Confidence doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from presence. From being with yourself, as you are, with gentleness.

You are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to begin again.

You are allowed to believe: I am worthy of love, just as I am.

 

With love, Sahar Zadah